The paradoxical state of human existence is described simply by Lacan’s theory of lack - what makes us subjects, and not objects, is that we have a hole inside of us, we are overwhelmed by the feeling that we are missing something significant. This is what drives us to action. Yet, whenever we believe we have captured the object of our desire, we search our souls and find there is still one more piece missing. Every accomplishment is garnished with this bitter realization. We can never be satisfied. Thus, as the only species with the ability to plan far into the future, we set about writing the blueprints for the ultimate achievement - the grand architectural wonder that will make us whole, and once we have completed ourselves we can finally die. This blueprint is the narcissistic fantasy.
Media promotes narcissistic fantasies in that it allows us to thoughtlessly indulge in narrative. Personally, a lot of my media consumption is power fantasies. Some well-known examples are Wolf of Wall Street and Death Note. Curiously, such power fantasies in media almost always end in the downfall of the protagonist. This element is essential; it cleverly conceals the emptiness of the power fantasy, and of all narcissistic fantasies.
The narcissistic void is the hole left in the psyche when the emptiness of the narcissistic fantasy is suddenly and irreparably revealed. This can come from either the realization that the narcissistic fantasy cannot be achieved, or it can come when it actually is achieved. The former case is easily understandable. As our future becomes more concrete, the narcissistic fantasy finds it increasingly difficult to take root. We realize we will not become Napoleon and conquer Europe. For the latter case, let me indulge in an anecdote. I always kept a special cigarette to celebrate a certain accomplishment. In high school, I had two potential candidates: getting into college and losing my virginity. However, when both happened, they didn’t really feel significant enough to celebrate. Next, in college, it was getting an internship, and then getting a job. However, I have achieved all of these goals and still never felt fulfilled. I still have not smoked that celebratory cigarette.
I had a dream recently where women were offering me sex. When I woke up and analyzed the dream, I initially wrote it off as a wet dream. But I realized that in the dream I didn't actually have sex, I just had women offer to have sex with me at a later date. The dream was not a sexual fantasy, it was a power fantasy. Narcissistic fantasies are fantasies of omnipotence - unlimited pleasure, unlimited power, unlimited control, unlimited desire from others. The fantasy is not about the experience of pleasure, rather the ability to get as much pleasure as we want whenever we want. Ultimately, the narcissistic fantasy is a sublimation of the base need to be desired by others, where these “others” are replaced by some larger, amorphous Other. Rather than developing real connections over time, the narcissist seeks to toil for years, alone, and receive one giant dose of love when their grand design is completed.
Greatness itself should not be pursued. If you have the potential for greatness in one domain, you will naturally be inclined towards this domain. Your motivation will not be greatness, your reward will be intrinsic. One must find their place in the world. I cannot claim that I have found my place, but I’m trying.
Some suggestions for those currently stuck in the narcissistic void:
Devote your creativity towards the people in your own life instead of putting it towards power fantasies.
Putting effort towards power fantasies can actually pay out if you are realistic. (The question is how you can tell if you are being realistic).
A mechanism for real improvement using narcissistic drive:
Have a drive born from narcissism
Pursue that drive genuinely (You must make sure you are actually doing SOMETHING)
70% of what you do might only contribute to the narcissistic language game, but there's still the 30% that is genuine learning/development/improvement
Pursue until the genuine drive replaces the narcissistic drive
Now how did you write for my current state of being with the same examples, phrases, and psychoanalytic lens that I've been reading about? Crazy. Good stuff, quite piercing. Adler calls it a fictive goal and says it corresponds to feelings of inferiority.
Napoleon himself said: “Besides, as far as I am concerned, I have no ambition—or, if I have any, it is so natural to me, so innate, so intimately linked with my existence that it is like the blood that circulates in my veins, like the air I breathe. It causes me to act neither more precipitately, nor in any way differently, than do the natural motives that move me. I never am obliged to fight either for or against ambition. Ambition never is in a greater hurry than I; it merely keeps pace with circumstances and with my general way of thinking.” Lines up.
I'm currently unable to establish a mental distinction between achieving narcissistic fantasies and doing literally anything at all. I suspect it's some kind of dopamine dysregulation. The question of how you can tell if you're being realistic is vexing because perception of possibility and expected reward entirely depends on dopaminergic availability. Sometimes complex goals seem a few weeks of effort away; sometimes the simplest obligations are insurmountable. I never quite know where along this continuum my judgment is operating from. I think it would be strategically advantageous to always be a little too overconfident in this assessment, but 🤷